My 9 week old daughter slept 5+ hour stretches in her crib in her room at night. In the last 6 weeks, we have been able to support her in developing some great sleeping habits so she becomes a good sleeper, because let’s face it we all need sleep. I know for many of you this sounds like some kind of witch craft, but I promise it’s not.

I am the type of person that needs sleep to be a functioning human. I mean I guess we all need sleep to be functioning humans, but early on in my pregnancy I knew that sleep training, shaping, scheduling or whatever else you want to call it was going to be an important part of our life with a newborn. I immediately purchased the “Full Feedings” method, followed “Taking Cara Babies” on IG, and listened to the “Precious little sleep” podcast. I wanted to be set up for sleep success from day one of bringing baby home. Well, little did I know that baby would be in the NICU for 18 days and they would really begin the hard work of shaping our baby’s sleep. Luckily, I learned a lot from our time in the NICU as well as devouring every piece of information on newborn sleep I could get my hands on.

Here are my biggest nuggets of helpful information to support your baby in developing their sleep habits, sleep habits that work for your family. Every habit takes practice, trial and error, and patience. This isn’t easy at all. Luckily, sleep can be shaped and molded at any time. These nuggets are currently for newborns, because that’s what I am working with. I do want to say that every baby is different and what works for one baby won’t work for all. You have to make baby’s sleep work for you. You want to co-sleep, DO IT! You want to bed share, DO IT! You want to nurse to sleep, DO IT! Do what works for your family, just remember that all sleep habits are learned and reinforced. When you’re ready to try a new habit, you’re going to have to wean off the old habit and learn and reinforce the new habit.

Nugget #1 Pay attention to how much your baby sleeps.

Babies need sleep. This seems like a no brainer, but I don’t think new parents realize HOW MUCH sleep babies need. Sleeping is when baby’s do most of their growing. Yes, all babies are different, however according to the National sleep foundation, newborns should get 14-17 hours of sleep to support their growth and development.

When our baby was in the NICU, the nursing staff worked on keeping babies soothed and asleep around the clock. If a baby woke up before their feed, the nurses, soothed them right back to sleep. You are going to want to really focus on helping your baby sleep the recommended amount. What the breakdown of that sleep will look like will vary baby to baby, but you really want to keep these numbers in mind as you learn your baby. I personally made a simple table in my notes on my phone to capture her sleep, feed amount, and spit ups. However there are tons of apps like Huckleberry, Glow, Baby Tracker, etc. These apps can help you find total hours a baby was asleep and daytime vs. night time sleep. When a baby doesn’t get enough sleep in the daytime unfortunately they will NOT sleep longer at night.

When baby’s don’t get sleep they start to produce cortisol, the “stress hormone” which will affect their ability to remain in a deep sleep. A deep sleep is the most restorative and when growing happens.

Nugget #2 Teach your newborn the difference between night and day.

Newborn babies have no ability to differentiate between night and day, they don’t produce natural melatonin and need all the support they can get. During the day, keep the lights on, blinds open, and keep the natural sounds of the day going. Having baby nap in a bassinet in the middle of the room you’re hanging in or in your arms will help. Baby should be woken up from long daytime naps, so they never go 3 hours from their last feed.

During the day, babies, even newborn babies should be stimulated, reading books, being talked to, even if they are showing signs of falling right back asleep. Bringing babies outside on walks during the morning and afternoon can really help babies to establish their natural circadian rhythms. At night, keep the room dark, the sounds low (using a white noise machine helps so much) and have minimal engagement with baby.

When you wake baby for a nighttime feed or they wake you for a nighttime feed, turn on a nightlight, change them, feed them, burp them, and put them back to sleep. There should not be any talking, eye contact, or stimulation. I will literally feed my baby and when she looks at me I close my eyes, so she knows its night time. You’re modeling that it’s time for sleep, not play. You’re going to want to decide what nighttime hours are for your family, our nighttime is 7pm-7am. Any wake ups during this time are treated as nighttime wake ups.

Nugget #3 Well fed babies sleep better.

Babies need to eat a lot and the amount they need to eat continues to grow as they grow. Really making an effort to make sure your baby is well fed is critical during the new born stage, especially in terms of their sleep habits. Make sure you are feeding your baby while they are fully awake. Change baby before you feed them, if they start to doze off during the feed, wake them back up. You can undress them, tickle their feet, or change their position. If you are a nursing mom, make sure that your baby has a good latch and is actively swallowing during nursing sessions. Babies who are bottle fed (whether formula or breastmilk) should be pace fed with a slow flow nipple. A well fed baby has good stool and urine output daily and gains consistent weight.

You should feed your baby at night and wake to feed them unless your pediatrician says you can stop night time wakings. It is also important to make sure babies are tolerating their feeds. Babies who are uncomfortable after feeding (ie. grunting, crying, bloated, spitting up frequently) could potentially have something going on that needs to be addressed. Work with your pediatrician on supporting your baby in gaining weight and growing. Remember that colic is an underlying symptom of something else like a milk protein intolerance or reflux.

Nugget #4 Learn your baby’s cues, cries and comforts.

Cues: All babies are going to show cues’ for being tired and hungry. These are going to vary baby by baby, but there are some common cues to look for. When a baby is hungry they will bring their fist to their mouth and suck loudly, they will smack their lips and tongue, they may cry out, or they may turn their heads toward food or a chest. Learn your baby’s hunger cues so you can feed early. Crying causes baby to swallow air which will lead to upset tummies, so try to feed before the baby starts to really wail.

When a baby is tired there are cues indicating some sleepiness and some cues indicating exhaustion. A sleepy baby may stare off into space, stick their tongue out, or their eyebrows may start to get red. A sleepy baby may not yawn yet, but there are signs that they could be ready for sleep. An exhausted baby, is fussy, crying and difficult to soothe. When a baby is exhausted or overtired, putting them to bed and getting them into a deep sleep takes time and practice. When you start to see a sleepy baby’s cues, you should begin the comfort process. If a baby is in an overtired state, the wind down will take longer and they will have a very difficult time falling asleep.

Cries: Babies cannot communicate other than crying and grunting. So yes, they cry for everything. They cry when they are hungry, when they’re bored, when they are tired, and when they are uncomfortable. Babies have different sounding cries for different things, or so Priscilla Dunstan will teach you. Priscilla deciphered babies cries into specific categories and what they mean, you can learn about that here. Learn which cries signal what for your baby and you will have a much more content baby.

Comfort: Babies spent 9+ months in the comfort of their mother’s womb. They were warm and snug, the movements rocked them to sleep. Since they are out of the womb, it is super important that they are comforted in a way that works for them. The 5 S’s by Dr. Karp can be a helpful tool in comforting your baby. The first S is swaddle, babies have a reflex that can startle them awake swaddling prevents them from this reflex. If you have a little Houdini, like I do, then you can opt for a transitional swaddle with arms up by their head like the Nested Bean. The second S is for stomach, side or shoulder hold. The third S is “Shush” babies need some noise to sleep as they are used to the noises of the womb. A white noise machine or simply saying Shhhhh will help. The fourth S is swing, babies need the constant motion to help them sleep, rocking chairs, swings, moving basinets can all help. Remember a baby needs to sleep on their back in a crib or bassinet, but to soothe movement is helpful. The last S is suck, yup that little pacifier can help sooth them. Take time to figure out what works for your baby.

Nugget # 5 Babies are incredibly loud active sleepers.

Newborns are loud sleepers and super active even when they are asleep. They can grunt and even cry out. They wiggle and move a lot while they are sleeping. They even open their eyes and flutter their eye lids. Before you grab your sleeping baby because they are “crying” or “waking up” give them a short pause. It can be 1-3 minutes, just to make sure they are actually awake. In France parents to newborns, learn “Le Paus” where doctors teach them to pause before responding to cries. It is helpful to watch your baby sleep and pay attention to their movements and noises, so you know when to intervene.

Are they crying out and bringing their hand to their mouth or making sucking noises? Are they just crying out softly and opening their eyes? When a baby is fussing while they are sleeping, try to soothe them back to sleep before you assume they are hungry (unless it’s been 3 hours since they last ate). Babies in active sleep can be easily woken up and then you have to start this process of soothing to sleep all over again. Babies can also require help connecting their sleep cycles which last about 20-40 minutes, if your baby is struggling to nap longer than 30 minutes chances are they are having trouble connecting their sleep cycles.

Nugget #6 Wake time that fits your baby’s needs.

Wake windows are periods of baby being awake and/or alert. Wake windows start the minute a baby’s eyes are open and include feedings. There is a lot of wake window information out there, however it’s not researched based and solely based on anecdotal information. Use the information you find with a grain of salt. Every baby is different, but babies don’t really stay up for long stretches (2-3hrs) till they are closer to 6+ months. Wake windows lengthen as baby’s grow older and you can find guides for lengths of windows. During a wake window babies should be changed, eat, and “play” (the order is really up to you and what works for your babies). Play can be as simple as holding baby on your chest, talking and engaging with them to a tummy time or a book. Babies need stimulation and sensory activities to keep them from being under tired. A bath is a great sensory “play” activity.

Nugget #7 Practice makes permanent.

This is a nugget from being an educator. In order for sleep habits to become a routine, you have to teach and practice each habit. Remember you are teaching your baby how to be a good sleeper and sleep in a way that works with your family. That’s why it is important to have a game plan on what you want sleep to look like. Are you a night owl and don’t mind late evenings? Do you want a consolidated chunk of sleep time at night? Do you want the baby to sleep in their crib or are you going to bed-share?

Here’s an example of implementing a habit gently. If you’re going to want the baby to be able to nap in a crib or bassinet, you have to start teaching that habit and practicing. Pick one nap a day that you will lay baby down in their crib or bassinet for every time, maybe it’s the first nap of the day since babies are less fussy at that time. Once you’ve helped your newborn baby to sleep, transfer them to this space very methodically: feet first, butt next, then head, keep your face and hands close by. Soothe them if they startle. Do this everyday, even if they wake every single time.

If you want your baby to be able to fall asleep on their own. Teach and practice putting them down in their crib while they are still awake. You can stay close by, offer pats or shushes. See my post on soothing. If they need help sleeping and get too upset help them and soothe them to sleep, then transfer.

The caveat to practicing habits with babies is, make sure babies end up asleep and sleeping the recommended time every day. If you need to extend a different nap by baby wearing, do it! Many times these habits are not going to work at first, but you have to keep trying. The more exposure the baby has to that habit, the more likely it is to stick. Even adults take time to form habits. Make sure everyone is practicing the habits the same way. You want to be on the same page so baby isn’t learning too many habits.

Nugget #8 A bedtime routine around the same time every day

Babies love routine. A predictable bedtime routine will help you and your little one establish great sleep habits. After learning your baby, you can start implementing a bed time routine. Newborn babies tend to need later bedtimes 8-10pm vs an infant 6:30-8pm. Start your routine about 30-45 minutes before you want them to “go to bed”. There are different bedtime routines for what you need. Our baby was always so content and sleepy after a bath so we included that in our routine. Our bedtime routine is a “bath” (really this is just a soak in the warm water, we used soap every 3rd bath), PJs, book, bottle, snuggle, bed. I still use this same routine now at almost 4 months . I have a nap routine, but I’ll share that in another post about infant sleep tricks.

Find a routine that is easy to do and calms and soothes baby to sleep.