Have you found yourself in a behavioral trap, where you are seeing more tantrums, melt downs, hitting, or some other negative behavior? You found a quick way to get the behavior to stop or not last as long, but it seems to be happening more and more? You’re in a behavioral trap. If you want to reduce how often the behavior is occurring then you have to approach with a strategy!
Approaching positive behavior is rooted in behavioral science for me. When we want to see more of a behavior, we have to reinforce it. I’m not talking about a reward chart for every behavior, but more like making sure that you are creating an environment for positive behavior to grow and prosper. You need to teach and model it, support it happening, and reinforce it when you see it! It’s really that simple.
Just like any skill like walking or talking, the skills of positive behavior need to be taught and modeled. The easiest way to do this would be to narrate your day, what you are doing, how you are doing it and why you are doing it. It can sound like “Uh oh, I spilled all these pencils, let me pick them up so I can help take care of our house.” Or “Daddy is helping, Mommy and I don’t like how he is helping me so I am going to use my words and say “No, thank you!” If narrating feels like too much you can slow down daily tasks and say something like “Look how mommy cleans up these toys. Can you help me?” Remember we are raising children in a “Do as I do household”.
When we’re talking about supporting positive behaviors in happening, we mean making it easier for positive behavior to occur. If we know that getting dressed is challenging, we do our best to embed choice, make it fun, or make it quick. If we know transitions are hard, then we give reminders, use countdowns, or make the transition from one activity to the next more fun.
When we see our kiddo engaging in a positive behavior we need to reinforce it. The simple act of just using specific positive praise is super useful in stamping positive behavior. When you are seeing your child and connecting them in moments of postive behavior, they don’t have to rely on negative behavior to serve that same function. Think about it this way, if you have long drawn out conversations when your child hits, but when they come over to you and try to engage you ignore them, you’re saying “I don’t see you when you are doing the right thing, I can only see you when you are doing the wrong thing.” That’s the message.
Momma to Maddox 